Gary B. What the F_CK!!!!!!!
Before this whole thing gets going, I need to remind everyone that this is MY opinion and perception of the subject matter and the state of our fellowship. While I express a certain level of opinion, frustration and intolerance, I operate within respectful boundaries in meetings and in all dealings concerning AA.
There are lots of reasons that we are not to be in the public eye as members of our respective fellowships. The big one that jumps out to me has to do with the ego and our ability to become grandiose dressed in spiritual intentions. We have all heard the stories of early AAs charging for speaking at meetings or individuals trying to be the public face of AA only to relapse or make an ass out of himself. This is not a lesson in the traditions rather a cry for common sense in the modern age.
Our ‘success rate’ in AA is less than ten percent so as an organization; AA is already behind the eight ball. There is little need for public personalities, bad press and softening of the message. I’m always looking for what the public opinion of us is and it isn’t always great. Enter: Penn and Teller and their show on “the art of debunking” which I happen to enjoy. When I saw that the subject matter of Twelve Step Programs, I was intrigued and watched it. While shallow, not very well researched and dramatic, it was entertaining. I do not have a problem with these two and who could blame them? Look at the state of our fellowship and those who are willing to put themselves on camera to explain the program.
The usual suspects graced the screen. An author who wrote the book on returning to the basics, members talking on camera who obviously have no understanding of the Traditions and most notably Gary freaking B!!!!! I thought you Hollywood types understood this radio and film thing? I guess not. Bad sponsorship, not understanding the traditions and lack of forethought has yet again shed a light on the program in a way that is moronic, archaic and unable to hold an intelligent conversation. Why should we avoid the media?
The reasons are simple:
1. Ego tends to grow in the spotlight
2. If you relapse, cheat on your wife, hold up a convenience store or otherwise make an ass of yourself the world will judge us by your actions.
3. The Fellowship, The Steps and The Big Book do not need to be defended by you, me or anybody else.
4. In situations like the above-mentioned TV show, there is no control of what light you will be and thus us will be portrayed in.
5. We are not a professional based organization and your opinion does not matter. If you are a professional and in AA, let your opinion rest on your professional/academic credentials.
6. Anonymity as a spiritual principle when embraced by all makes us more attractive and humble.
Our survival is at stake from within due to bad sponsorship, topic meetings, members not working with newcomers, not working the Steps, forgetting that this is a SPIRITUAL program and forgetting our singleness of purpose. Do we really need Gary Freak’n B. being the only ‘Big Book’ some sees? Come on folks, if there is a camera outside a workshop, meeting or other AA event and you have no idea who the camera is really filming for or someone is asking you questions about the Program and they seem like they are a reporter, refer them to your local inter-group or the GSO. Quit trying to be famous in an anonymous program and we do not have the only solution to alcoholism and addiction.
Charlie Lima
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Gary B. What the F_CK!!!!!!!
Before this whole thing gets going, I need to remind everyone that this is MY opinion and perception of the subject matter and the state of our fellowship. While I express a certain level of opinion, frustration and intolerance, I operate within respectful boundaries in meetings and in all dealings concerning AA.
There are lots of reasons that we are not to be in the public eye as members of our respective fellowships. The big one that jumps out to me has to do with the ego and our ability to become grandiose dressed in spiritual intentions. We have all heard the stories of early AAs charging for speaking at meetings or individuals trying to be the public face of AA only to relapse or make an ass out of himself. This is not a lesson in the traditions rather a cry for common sense in the modern age.
Our ‘success rate’ in AA is less than ten percent so as an organization; AA is already behind the eight ball. There is little need for public personalities, bad press and softening of the message. I’m always looking for what the public opinion of us is and it isn’t always great. Enter: Penn and Teller and their show on “the art of debunking” which I happen to enjoy. When I saw that the subject matter of Twelve Step Programs, I was intrigued and watched it. While shallow, not very well researched and dramatic, it was entertaining. I do not have a problem with these two and who could blame them? Look at the state of our fellowship and those who are willing to put themselves on camera to explain the program.
The usual suspects graced the screen. An author who wrote the book on returning to the basics, members talking on camera who obviously have no understanding of the Traditions and most notably Gary freaking B!!!!! I thought you Hollywood types understood this radio and film thing? I guess not. Bad sponsorship, not understanding the traditions and lack of forethought has yet again shed a light on the program in a way that is moronic, archaic and unable to hold an intelligent conversation. Why should we avoid the media?
The reasons are simple:
1. Ego tends to grow in the spotlight
2. If you relapse, cheat on your wife, hold up a convenience store or otherwise make an ass of yourself the world will judge us by your actions.
3. The Fellowship, The Steps and The Big Book do not need to be defended by you, me or anybody else.
4. In situations like the above-mentioned TV show, there is no control of what light you will be and thus us will be portrayed in.
5. We are not a professional based organization and your opinion does not matter. If you are a professional and in AA, let your opinion rest on your professional/academic credentials.
6. Anonymity as a spiritual principle when embraced by all makes us more attractive and humble.
Our survival is at stake from within due to bad sponsorship, topic meetings, members not working with newcomers, not working the Steps, forgetting that this is a SPIRITUAL program and forgetting our singleness of purpose. Do we really need Gary Freak’n B. being the only ‘Big Book’ some sees? Come on folks, if there is a camera outside a workshop, meeting or other AA event and you have no idea who the camera is really filming for or someone is asking you questions about the Program and they seem like they are a reporter, refer them to your local inter-group or the GSO. Quit trying to be famous in an anonymous program and we do not have the only solution to alcoholism and addiction.
Charlie Lima
Before this whole thing gets going, I need to remind everyone that this is MY opinion and perception of the subject matter and the state of our fellowship. While I express a certain level of opinion, frustration and intolerance, I operate within respectful boundaries in meetings and in all dealings concerning AA.
There are lots of reasons that we are not to be in the public eye as members of our respective fellowships. The big one that jumps out to me has to do with the ego and our ability to become grandiose dressed in spiritual intentions. We have all heard the stories of early AAs charging for speaking at meetings or individuals trying to be the public face of AA only to relapse or make an ass out of himself. This is not a lesson in the traditions rather a cry for common sense in the modern age.
Our ‘success rate’ in AA is less than ten percent so as an organization; AA is already behind the eight ball. There is little need for public personalities, bad press and softening of the message. I’m always looking for what the public opinion of us is and it isn’t always great. Enter: Penn and Teller and their show on “the art of debunking” which I happen to enjoy. When I saw that the subject matter of Twelve Step Programs, I was intrigued and watched it. While shallow, not very well researched and dramatic, it was entertaining. I do not have a problem with these two and who could blame them? Look at the state of our fellowship and those who are willing to put themselves on camera to explain the program.
The usual suspects graced the screen. An author who wrote the book on returning to the basics, members talking on camera who obviously have no understanding of the Traditions and most notably Gary freaking B!!!!! I thought you Hollywood types understood this radio and film thing? I guess not. Bad sponsorship, not understanding the traditions and lack of forethought has yet again shed a light on the program in a way that is moronic, archaic and unable to hold an intelligent conversation. Why should we avoid the media?
The reasons are simple:
1. Ego tends to grow in the spotlight
2. If you relapse, cheat on your wife, hold up a convenience store or otherwise make an ass of yourself the world will judge us by your actions.
3. The Fellowship, The Steps and The Big Book do not need to be defended by you, me or anybody else.
4. In situations like the above-mentioned TV show, there is no control of what light you will be and thus us will be portrayed in.
5. We are not a professional based organization and your opinion does not matter. If you are a professional and in AA, let your opinion rest on your professional/academic credentials.
6. Anonymity as a spiritual principle when embraced by all makes us more attractive and humble.
Our survival is at stake from within due to bad sponsorship, topic meetings, members not working with newcomers, not working the Steps, forgetting that this is a SPIRITUAL program and forgetting our singleness of purpose. Do we really need Gary Freak’n B. being the only ‘Big Book’ some sees? Come on folks, if there is a camera outside a workshop, meeting or other AA event and you have no idea who the camera is really filming for or someone is asking you questions about the Program and they seem like they are a reporter, refer them to your local inter-group or the GSO. Quit trying to be famous in an anonymous program and we do not have the only solution to alcoholism and addiction.
Charlie Lima
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Before we start this rant, opinion and sharing of MY experience, let us understand that this is just that MY experience, MY opinion and MY rant. It is just ONE of many ways to look at this subject.
I am forever grateful for the treatment center that provided me with the opportunity to choose sobriety rather than the slow death that was my ‘ism.’ There were many messages presented to me in the clinical setting. I heard things like “go to meetings,” “get a sponsor” and “don’t drink.” Armed with these facts I started what I thought was a program of recovery. I’m sure that more was presented but I that’s all I got. With all the drama of my final days using and 30 days clean under my belt, my sense of urgency left me and so began a very comfortable existence in a program of attendance. This is a warm place and those who belong to this program of attendance have two requirements: go to meetings and sound like a program is being worked. Sobriety is pursued like going to an ALANO club or meeting will somehow make the affliction of alcoholism go away. The reason it is such a warm place? Because it is like sitting in your own shit and easier to just sit in it than it is ask for help to get out.
Here’s the way it worked for me. I moved into a sober house right after treatment in my relaxed mode as a whole 30 days had passed since I last used. I started going to meetings (completely by chance) at a little ALANO club that meant well but was not in the solution. I found AA group therapy as we talked about how our day was, how we THOUGHT the Steps should be worked, what was going on in our lives and of course gratitude. Not to diminish the state of gratitude but I find it to be the subject of topic meetings when the solution i.e. the work is avoided. I was pontificating on Steps I had never worked (I do not consider the working the Steps in treatment working the Steps), chairing meetings and representing AA. I am relatively smart and had attended the Harvard Law of treatment centers so I talked a good game.
The program of attendance is not about getting better, its about the illusion of being okay. I am a master of this because I spent my entire using career trying to pull this off. The program of action is not about looking good, it is about a spiritual experience based on working the Steps, sponsorship, love and service. It is an introspective, accountable and ‘we’ program anchored in relationships with (for me) men in the program. This is the program that is referred to when members say “it is a program for people who want it.” It MUST be sought.
So I was intervened on in my sobriety by guys in my sober house. They suggested that I get a sponsor and one was even suggested. This ‘suggested man’ turned out to be the very representative of a Power Greater than myself that would start me on the road to sanity but I would not like what he said.
I met him at a coffee shop and pulled out my imaginary flight log of Step work (all done in treatment). Steps Six and Seven were where I should start as I had completed my get-out-of-jail-free 5th Step with some sleepy clergy at the treatment center and I told my new sponsor this. HE LAUFGHED and said: “if you want what I have, here’s how you do it. Call me everyday for 90 days even if you just leave a message, go to five meetings a week, get a service commitment, join my home group, go with me to a treatment center every Tuesday to speak and begin working the Steps from the first Preface in the book Alcoholics Anonymous WITH me.” The initial thought was “fuck that, it sounds like work.” Then one of the few benefits I have gotten from being an United States Marine (aside from being a badass) kicked in: immediate obedience to orders. The verbal response was “okay.” So started the program of action and the keystone was I WAS NOT IN CHARGE of determining what it consisted of and I was accountable to a MAN who would not be afraid to call “Bullshit” when he saw it. The program of attendance places me around individuals who cosign on my ideas of a program and who look the other way. Funny, just like when I was drinking. So part of that keystone has to include a fellowship of individuals with QUALITY sobriety based on the Steps, Love and Service.
As I have pieced together a few 24 hours my program of attendance has expanded to include vigorous work with my sponsor and the men I am PRIVELEGED to take through the Steps. I do not wait and I use the Big Book and the 12x12. Working with others is essential to me staying sober. Let me repeat that: working with others is essential to me staying sober. A program of actions demands that I be an active part of my AA community which to ME translates to having a home group, going to the business meetings (no matter how painful they are), having a moral compass (at least a developing moral compass) and practicing these principles in ALL my affairs.
I pass no judgment on those who work a program of attendance but I ask that you simply keep your mouth shut. People are dying because nobody ever told them about the Solution. People are dying because we are using the rooms as group therapy instead of a presentation of the solution. The fellowship and sponsorship are where I bring my problems NOT the meetings. Read the Big Book, talk to old-timers, read Pass It On and Doctor Bob and the Good Old-timers. Then, if you want what we have, stop trying to look good and come join us in action so we can fulfill our primary purpose.
Charlie Lima
I am forever grateful for the treatment center that provided me with the opportunity to choose sobriety rather than the slow death that was my ‘ism.’ There were many messages presented to me in the clinical setting. I heard things like “go to meetings,” “get a sponsor” and “don’t drink.” Armed with these facts I started what I thought was a program of recovery. I’m sure that more was presented but I that’s all I got. With all the drama of my final days using and 30 days clean under my belt, my sense of urgency left me and so began a very comfortable existence in a program of attendance. This is a warm place and those who belong to this program of attendance have two requirements: go to meetings and sound like a program is being worked. Sobriety is pursued like going to an ALANO club or meeting will somehow make the affliction of alcoholism go away. The reason it is such a warm place? Because it is like sitting in your own shit and easier to just sit in it than it is ask for help to get out.
Here’s the way it worked for me. I moved into a sober house right after treatment in my relaxed mode as a whole 30 days had passed since I last used. I started going to meetings (completely by chance) at a little ALANO club that meant well but was not in the solution. I found AA group therapy as we talked about how our day was, how we THOUGHT the Steps should be worked, what was going on in our lives and of course gratitude. Not to diminish the state of gratitude but I find it to be the subject of topic meetings when the solution i.e. the work is avoided. I was pontificating on Steps I had never worked (I do not consider the working the Steps in treatment working the Steps), chairing meetings and representing AA. I am relatively smart and had attended the Harvard Law of treatment centers so I talked a good game.
The program of attendance is not about getting better, its about the illusion of being okay. I am a master of this because I spent my entire using career trying to pull this off. The program of action is not about looking good, it is about a spiritual experience based on working the Steps, sponsorship, love and service. It is an introspective, accountable and ‘we’ program anchored in relationships with (for me) men in the program. This is the program that is referred to when members say “it is a program for people who want it.” It MUST be sought.
So I was intervened on in my sobriety by guys in my sober house. They suggested that I get a sponsor and one was even suggested. This ‘suggested man’ turned out to be the very representative of a Power Greater than myself that would start me on the road to sanity but I would not like what he said.
I met him at a coffee shop and pulled out my imaginary flight log of Step work (all done in treatment). Steps Six and Seven were where I should start as I had completed my get-out-of-jail-free 5th Step with some sleepy clergy at the treatment center and I told my new sponsor this. HE LAUFGHED and said: “if you want what I have, here’s how you do it. Call me everyday for 90 days even if you just leave a message, go to five meetings a week, get a service commitment, join my home group, go with me to a treatment center every Tuesday to speak and begin working the Steps from the first Preface in the book Alcoholics Anonymous WITH me.” The initial thought was “fuck that, it sounds like work.” Then one of the few benefits I have gotten from being an United States Marine (aside from being a badass) kicked in: immediate obedience to orders. The verbal response was “okay.” So started the program of action and the keystone was I WAS NOT IN CHARGE of determining what it consisted of and I was accountable to a MAN who would not be afraid to call “Bullshit” when he saw it. The program of attendance places me around individuals who cosign on my ideas of a program and who look the other way. Funny, just like when I was drinking. So part of that keystone has to include a fellowship of individuals with QUALITY sobriety based on the Steps, Love and Service.
As I have pieced together a few 24 hours my program of attendance has expanded to include vigorous work with my sponsor and the men I am PRIVELEGED to take through the Steps. I do not wait and I use the Big Book and the 12x12. Working with others is essential to me staying sober. Let me repeat that: working with others is essential to me staying sober. A program of actions demands that I be an active part of my AA community which to ME translates to having a home group, going to the business meetings (no matter how painful they are), having a moral compass (at least a developing moral compass) and practicing these principles in ALL my affairs.
I pass no judgment on those who work a program of attendance but I ask that you simply keep your mouth shut. People are dying because nobody ever told them about the Solution. People are dying because we are using the rooms as group therapy instead of a presentation of the solution. The fellowship and sponsorship are where I bring my problems NOT the meetings. Read the Big Book, talk to old-timers, read Pass It On and Doctor Bob and the Good Old-timers. Then, if you want what we have, stop trying to look good and come join us in action so we can fulfill our primary purpose.
Charlie Lima
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
I Was Different
When I came to Alcoholics Anonymous I was not an alcoholic. Or at least that is what I thought. I was purely an addict by nature and resented the fact that I even had to be in an AA meeting. These were the only meetings that I had available at the time in the treatment facility in which I was a proud member. I was broken, I was in the gutters, and I was so heavy with guilt and shame that could not face even the most menial tasks. I knew that I was an addict but an alcoholic I could not grasp. I showed up at AA meetings to be different. No one in those rooms could possibly understand what I had been through or was even close to my level of use. I fed off of that individuality and made sure to let anyone who would listen know that I was an addict. As time went by my perception of this would change.
As it turns out if I drink I will use. That is plain and simple. It probably would not be immediate but it would follow close in hand. That is what changed my whole perception on being an alcoholic. I do not have the extensive drinking career of others in the program. I did not hit the bottom that others did. But I hit my bottom. I was at whit’s end and I could not go on any longer living the life that I had made for myself in addiction. I was too scared to kill myself but was more than happy to put myself in a situation that would kill me. Once again I was not willing to do the work myself.
The old timers put up with me, held my hand, and told me to keep coming back. With time I acquired a great amount of respect for AA and the work that they did with people like me. Out of that respect I chose to refer to my self as an alcoholic and then came to believe it. Today my home group is in AA as well as a majority of the meeting that I attend. Because I am no longer there to compete I find myself an Alcoholic among Alcoholics. This has truly changed my life and my willingness to work the program of recovery.
So I say this to the newcomer who wants to be an individual. I completely understand. I was also scared and I thrived off being worse off than the next guy. That was my way of not letting anyone in to see the real me, partially because I had no idea who that was. But I can promise you this. If you keep coming back and find the willingness to be an Alcoholic among Alcoholics, your life will change. You will find a new meaning and a new outlook upon life. And you will finally be able to find whoever it is that you are. Happy hunting.
Chuck GolfMonday, April 14, 2008
The Question of Introducing Myself as an Addict/Alcoholic
Before I even begin to discuss the subject at hand, I need to remind you of a couple of things. The following is My opinion based on My experience in 12 Step recovery. This is One point of view and I encourage everyone to develop their own opinion. However, if you are like me that point of view is subject to change based on where you are in or how long you have been in sobriety. Oh yeah, I am not a professional writer.
We have all been in a meeting when the title “addict/alcoholic” is attached to someone’s name when they introduce themselves. For some of you, this passes right over your head and you never give it a second thought. Maybe, it registers but you smile and think “keep coming back.” For some of our fellowship, this sends a signal to the brain that activates the fight or flight mechanism causing extreme intolerance, agitation and such symptoms as clenched teeth, rolling eyes and whispers of retribution. I fall into the second reaction category but understand all three. I have also identified myself as “addict/alcoholic” in meetings. I no longer do this but getting to this point has taken a journey of sorts.
Getting sober was dramatic for me. I entered treatment the last time on the coattails of some fairly unique drama. I know it now to be the same stuff we all do when the end is near but it it’s a good getting sober story. I thought that sobriety was going to be dramatic and high energy. I was in my 20’s and surrounded by similar minded and aged individuals. As a result my early sobriety was like a dramatic episode of Benny Hill. We were edgy (self perceived), loud, obnoxious and unchecked. As a result, I was abstinent based on a MTV-like energy. It was fun but I was not exactly an attractive member on our fellowship.
I remember when I started going to meetings that were in the solution as they were starkly different from the ones I started in. These solution-like meetings were avoided for as long as possible and when I finally went to what was to become my home group for over seven years, I was not thrilled. I did not want to be like the old-timers as they looked boring but happy in a non-exciting way. I wanted to separate myself and be ME, I was not going to loose my individuality. Enter Chuck C. Old Chuck says in his book that ego is the conscious feeling of being separate ‘from’ which means that if my disease is not arrested, it will try to separate me from the solution. The first way that I separated myself from the solution (maybe not the first, but my verbalization of being different and MORE than an alcoholic)? “My name is Charlie Lima and I am addict/alcoholic.”
I was not intervened on in my sobriety until I was six months sober. The rooms that I was going to for my meetings allowed me to be different, allowed me to determine what sobriety was, allowed me to choose what I wanted and I gladly left the hard stuff behind. I began being different every meeting by saying I was an addict/alcoholic and it went down hill from there. I am lucky I lived to see six months and the introduction of sponsorship in my life.
Early sobriety also was when I began to dream of being famous in an anonymous program. I had not worked the Steps, been abstinent for very long nor understood what emotional recovery really was and I already thought that I had something to share. What I had to share was the problem and the problem got bigger whenever I walked into a room and insisted on being different.
Sponsorship changed my life but the Steps saved my life. The combination gave me the structure and guidance that I needed to finally progress in recovery. In relation to the subject at hand, I had my first Second Step moment somewhere around month ten. My home group was large and sponsorship strong. I was in a meeting and scanning the room (most likely looking at girls) when it hit me. I saw my sponsor, his sponsor, his sponsor and his sponsor. I realized that all of these men should be dead, in jail or homeless but they were not. They were solid members of their families, communities, AA and it was at that moment I truly wanted what they had. I believed that it could happen to me, if I did what they did. I stopped trying to be different and I started trying to be sober. I also started to act like these men and that included identifying myself as simply an alcoholic.
Development of humility and wanting to stand out do not work together. I have a tendency to try to be the worst drunk, biggest addict or even the most sober. I had to join the socialist part of alcoholics and just be a recovering alcoholic among recovering alcoholics. That started in several areas of my and how I identified myself in meetings was a big step for me.
By introducing myself as an alcoholic in an AA meeting, I am also embracing the spiritual principle of anonymity through sacrifice of my ego’s desire to be separate ‘from,’ better than, more than or less than. I have further learned that respect is an important principle to embrace and I learned this by going to other fellowships. I qualify for OA, CA, AA, NA, MA and maybe ALANON (which means I should go) and have attended all but the MA meeting. When I went to Overeaters Anonymous, I was not sure that I was a compulsive overeater as I never had been to a meeting or read the literature. I knew enough that I belonged in the meeting so was it not a stretch to identify myself as one nor did I add the other anonymous acronyms out of respect for the format. In AA meetings I do not identify all the other addiction titles I have collected out of respect for the format nor do I verbalize these titles in any other meeting other than the one whose meeting I am attending. I have to ask myself, “why is so important that I stand out?” EGO.
So I have found myself on all sides of the issue and there is no real answer to this but I have found a position of neutrality. First, if I am blessed to be engaged in a sponsor relationship with such an individual who identifies himself with addict/alcoholic then I need to have a courageous conversation. Sometimes, they just do not know any better and what a great time to start talking about the TRADITIONS (only the set of guidelines that ensure our future, no big deal or anything). If it is someone I do not know, then I get to know them first as I really do not want to chase them off with my rule enforcement. Six months is too long but I can have enough love, tolerance, effectiveness and understanding to talk to him after a couple of meetings before confronting the issue.
I have been and sometimes switch back to the Bleeding Deacon. This issue does not really push that button but I have trivial areas that propel me onto the soapbox. This condition is more corrosive than newcomers mislabeling themselves. In the name of preserving the fellowship, we will justify all kinds of acts. Yes, yes, yes, I know that our fellowship needs saving and somebody needs to say something to the person who committed such an error in judgment but not at the expense our code: Love and Tolerance. It is possible to stay true to the program, not water it down and confront the issue without being an asshole, passive aggressive or hurtful.
The problem and the solution are the same once you get past the word alcohol in the First Step. So before you list your resume of addiction titles and before you decide to preserve the fellowship like you are defending Khe San remember RULE 62 as Bill spelled it out in the Fourth Tradition. While embracing that rule, hold the line, do not water down the program and remember a healthy fellowship consisting of sponsorship, service, STEP WORK and meetings in the solution will take care of most issues.
Charlie Lima
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